How To Dress Like A Real Ubudian
We might be a medium like no other, but sometimes, we like to follow the trend. Here's our exclusive but non-exhaustive list of tips on what to wear to wander on the not-so-red carpet. How to look from head to toes, here we go.
UC Editor
3/17/20212 min read
The dreadlocks/mullet combination
Ubud is a melting pot, a crossroad of multiple expressions of the spectrum of cultural appropriation. Show your unique sense of fashion by following others.
HOW TO :
Pick two hairstyles, from random eras and different places around the globe. One of them should have a spiritual sense to it (even tho it doesn't matter what it is) i.e. dreadlocks, feathers, cornrows. Mix'n match on your head, preferably during the full moon for some reason.
Stop washing your hair, until you scratch your scalp to blood. If you ever get lice, a splash of lemon juice will do.
The extra tip: Add short bangs for the finished Spanish folk singer touch.
Neckwear
Who doesn't like to promote African child labor? Accessorize your outfit with the heaviest combination of crystals you can find. When you'll get a wry neck, just add more crystals for the pain.
The extra tip: Pair up with praying beads, preferably from a religion you know nothing about, to give a mysterious touch to your mysticism.
Free the nips!
No need to worry about respecting the local culture, embrace the motto: FREE SPIRIT, FREE NIPPLES. Under your white (well get to the color code later) shirt, let your nipple proudly look at everyone in the eyes. Mama nature gave it to you, therefore, you should show them. To anyone. Anywhere.
The extra tip: Do not get offended if someone asks you to wear a shirt. They're not awakened yet.
Color Code
Show you're a good person. Wear an outfit as white as your privilege. Side note: White clothing is usually disposable due to the tropical climate. It's ok, you'll buy more.
Extra tip: You can also use earthy colors, even if they don't come from natural dyes. You have to look like the earth, to show you wanna save her.
Brands
Criticize consumerism while buying from foreign companies, cognitive dissonance has no room in the industry! Your new jumpsuit for that cute Canadian brand could have fed a Balinese family for a month, but you look so cute now. Don't bother buying local. Just... Don't.
The extra tip: Keep in mind that greenwashing is the new black.
Footwear
None.
The extra tip: I know it hurts, but it's free feet reflexology.
Sportswear
What you wear to exercise has to be from an official yoga brand, otherwise, your asana will be all wrong.
If the belly button is not out, you won't receive the light!
The extra tip: You can't afford the must-have leggings/bralet combo? Just don't come to yoga class.